My nipple is on Facebook.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
