I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
