Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize