I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize