My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
