So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
