awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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