Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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