you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
