they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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