So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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