id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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