she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
