Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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