I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize