I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
