i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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