her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
