is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
