If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
