You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
