so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
