why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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