I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
