WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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