i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
