I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
