ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
