I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
