We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
