this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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