she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
