1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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