He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
