Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's official drugs can't kill me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
