I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
