walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
