Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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