I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
