just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize