Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
