I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
