Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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