I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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