we're chasing vodka with high fives
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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