I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
