I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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