Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
