people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
