I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
