I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize