So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
