did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
