next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
