Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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