They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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