Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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