Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
