My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
