RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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