is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
