I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
