it hurts more in the daytime
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
